The Wasp Cake

Whether accepting into the allusion spirit on Abundant British Bake Off, abounding surreal retorts on The Mighty Boosh, or absorbing via Never Apperception The Buzzcocks and The IT Crowd, actor Noel Fielding has become a close favourite on our TV screens.

The Wasp Cake

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The Wasp Cake

Here are some of his funniest, and best camp quotes, from throughout his career to date.

“As you know, I’m allotment wasp, so it’s my favourite time of the year.”

“Bakers, abominably time is not an illusion.”

[After bistro a flower] “It tasted like a clown’s nose.”

[After tasting some spiced rum] “It’s like Pirate’s Tears.”

[On audition that ‘exposed bottoms’ are accustomed for a accurate cake] “If there’s an befalling for apparent cheers we should embrace it. I’m activity to booty my trousers off during the judging.”

“That backpack block has a clammy clutch.”

Dappy: “Are you aggravating to outsmart me?”Fielding: “Well, it’s not that difficult is it…”

Mel B: “I formed at Pizza Hut, but I enjoyed that. Free pizza.”Fielding: “Was that afore or afterwards the Spice Girls?”

[To Phill Jupitus and Michael Ball] “You two are what I brainstorm Jedward to be like in thirty years.”

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[Remarking on Paloma Faith’s get-up] “You attending like a children’s bullfighter.”

“You haven’t apparent my acquaintance Howard, accept you? Kind of tall, scruffy hair, baby eyes like a crab?”

“Goth Juice is the best able hairspray accepted to man. Fabricated from the tears of Robert Smith.”

“I haven’t got annihilation inside, I’m like a bank ball.”

“The tie is a multi-purpose accessory, y’know. Belt, academy boy, Rambo…”

“He asked me to comedy Blue Alternation by John Coltrane at his funeral. I couldn’t absolutely acquisition that. But I begin addition song about a alternation [plays Thomas the Tank Engine theme].”

“Seriously though, you should analysis out my icy wardrobe. This is the glam bedrock ski suit…”

“Come on, Howard. It doesn’t amount that you’re a virgin. It’s fine. Women account that. They don’t apperception that you’ve not gone above the kiss.”

“Funk is jazz’s askew cousin.”

“Never eat addition man’s applause!”

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“I do the costumes, you do the music. And this, my friend, represents a above advance on the bed-making machine.”

“I was walking through Camden the added day, and I saw you in a skip, weeping.”

Howard: “Where did you get those sunglasses from?”Vince: “A casual coyote took benevolence on me.”

[On actuality a Goth] “We drive cars. We’re aloof like you really, except we accept to Cradle of Filth.”

“Cockney Goths are too cheerful. They blemish it for the blow of us.”

“My activity wasn’t absolutely activity anywhere. I was allotment of the accomplished goth, afterlife metal subculture, but it wasn’t authoritative me happy. It was all a bit gloomy. It was about about that time I developed scurvy.”

“An ill wind is blowing. Last night I was afflicted from my coma by a babble calling three times. Caw… caw… able-bodied you apperceive what a babble sounds like. Casual to my window, I trod on a allotment of lego. Oh, it went appropriate in the heel. Turning on my television set, I noticed the accession wasn’t great. Not terrible, aloof not great. Hear me well, no acceptable can appear of your cruise to the theatre tonight, no acceptable at all.”

“Trousers can never be too tight. You accept to go through a brace of canicule of pain, again aggregate stretches out.”

“All my accompany got bodies and dogs for Christmas. I got a starfish alleged Roy. I acclimated to booty him bottomward the esplanade on a lead.”

[On actuality a sex symbol] “It’s strange, because I attending like a broadcast acid a woman’s wig backwards.”

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“It’s absurd to be black while acid a poncho.”

“I formed in a bakery for one day. But the bang-up went off and aback he came aback I was lying on the attic bistro cakes.”

“When you’re acclaimed you can’t go into Topshop. Even aback I beard myself in a beard and sunglasses it doesn’t work. My brainless face is too big.”

“When I’m 70 I ability be a man in a esplanade aloof abnormality around, speaking in tongues while kids bandy aliment at me.”

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More TV quotes:

25 of the best abandoned Summer Heights High quotes25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes25 of the funniest anytime Still Game quotes50 of the funniest Father Ted quotesRed Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-linersDerry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners25 of the best bad-tempered Martin Crane quotes from Frasier25 of the best ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes50 of the best curve from Peep Show20 of The Young Ones’ best advantageously asinine quotes20 of Malcolm Tucker’s best acid insults25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darlingThe 20 best cool quotes from the W1A team50 of the funniest Accompany quotes and jokes

…and some jokes:

17 of Ken Dodd’s best ingeniously funny jokes27 of Sarah Millican’s beam out loud jokes50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners50 of Milton Jones’s best able jokes and one-liners50 of Tim Vine’s best able jokes and one-liners50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes25 of Charlie Brooker’s best acid jokes and insults25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

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